It tugs at my heart

This weekend was a real doozie...Is that the way you spell it? Hell, I have no clue and spelling is not my forte'. Currently my parents are out of town, they have gone to visit my Grandfather, they had this trip planned for months, it is their yearly visit. Well a week before they were to leave my Grandfather had a mild stroke. He is doing quite well now, his recovery has been great, he is working very hard to regain the mobility he has lost due to the stroke. About 6 years ago, my Mom and I flew out to see my Grandfather and Grandmother, it was a sudden trip my Grandmother was not doing well and she requested to see us. It was the last time I got to see her. When we got to their house, I was amazed, and devastated. My grandparents live in a beautiful house in the Napa Valley, due to my Grandmothers illness, my Grandfather had been sleep deprived and unable to maintain the house in the manner it needed to be. My Grandmother had developed this compulsion to shop. So while she was mobile, via a wheel chair she would shop and buy and buy and buy. The house was littered with clothes and bedding, household items like plates and pots and pans. They were still in the shopping bags. I am talking of rooms filled with bags of stuff never opened or used.

They had a massive mouse problem, and also had possums that were living in their house. The front yard was terribly overgrown with berry bushes and grass. The house was such a beautiful place and had been turned into ruins. My Mom and I took that week while we were their and cleaned the kitchen. It took the whole week, from about 9 in the morning until about 7 at night. I don't think I have ever worked so hard in my life. When we left we had an exterminator come out and treat for the mice. I cannot tell you how terrible it was. I spoke with my Mom yesterday and she told me that the house is even worse now than it was when we were out there before. My Grandmother has since past, she died that December after I had seen her in September, it was 1999. I remember it so vividly because it was 9/9/99 and MTV was doing a big awards show on that date. I can still see the promos of it. My Grandfather is an amazing individual. He is has his PHD in Psychology, is a retired Lt. Co. in the United States Air Force. He fought in Korea and was on two tours of Vietnam. He taught artic survival while in the military. This man is no slouch. He lives in shambles. And it breaks my heart. My Grandfather was my favorite person when I was growing up. When I would come and visit when I was little he would play with me for hours. We would play pine cone store, and I would sell pine cones to him. We would play so many fun games that I would make up. He always played right along with me and made me feel like I was the only person on earth that mattered. Now to see how his life has spun out of control it tears me up inside. Today my parents start on getting the house in some sort of order. They have ordered a dumpster to be delivered to the house. He had canceled his garbage service because he said he did not generate enough to constitute the expense. So the garbage has been accumulating in the house. It just creeps me out. It is so gross and upsetting. Hopefully my parents can start to gain some control over a situation that has gotten way out of control. At what point are you able to come in and take control when someone will not allow you to do so? Thankfully he is starting to see that he cannot do this himself and needs help. He will not be able to go back and live by himself again. So determining where he will go is something else that everyone is dealing with. They are working on a 4 month plan where he can go live in four month portions with each one of his kids. I am all for that, that means I get four months of the year with him and he can get to know Sydney. He has yet to meet her.

I am filled with such sorrow over the whole situation. It is something that has been getting worse and worse but until he allowed anyone to come in and take over, nothing could be done. He still has items that were my Great Grandmothers, stockings that require garter belts to wear...Why not just throw it away?!! It is crazy. So my parents are going to be working their asses off for the next week. I am sure when they return home they will need a week to recoup from the work they have done.

I guess I am just feeling helpless because I am not able to help in any way. This weekend seemed to be hard for everyone. Sydney is into active teething, or at least that is what we are calling it. This weekend she really did not like her Mommy. Saturday evening was a real joy for said parties. I reached a moment where I was so stressed because no matter what I did she just screamed. I looked at her and told her, " I am so sorry, I have no clue what you want." I would get angry and frustrated because I could not make her happy no matter what I tried. She was so overly tired and Daddy was involved with replacing all the locks on the house. One breaks, replace them all. That took 4 hours to do, and needless to say it meant that I had no help. He was cussing at the doors, seems that this project was a little more labor intensive than he had anticipated. Syd was crying, her nap was cut short by the noise Daddy was making working on the back door lock. Mommy comes in to get Syd, change her diaper.....the WORST thing you could ever do...just ask her, she will scream at you about it. She has screamed so much this weekend that she is losing her voice. She will try to scream now and nothing comes out. It is kind of funny. Yesterday was better but she still was not too fond of Mommy. Daddy went fishing at 5:30 am and woke her up. Needless to say she usually wakes around 6-7 on the weekends. By the time Daddy got home, Mommy was in need of a break. It just kills me, a break to Daddy is going to the grocery store. Yes, it is nice to go without the baby, but I replace one worry for another, make sure you get all that you have come for. Oh and don't forget the air filters and the SIZE that you need as well. Daddy took over, and Mommy came home and cooked dinner. We ate at 8:30, Syd went down at 7:45 for the night.

So we had adult time, we watched the Comedy Central Celebrity Roast of Pamela Anderson. Talk about raw material. It was harsh, funny, crude, and shocking. I think the most disturbing part of the night was Courtney Love, she is....I don't even think there is a word for her. She was drunk or stoned or both during the whole show, and kept saying she had been clean for a year. A year my ass. Then today I hear that she confessed to the judge handling her probation that she has NOT been clean...OH REALLY! And I also heard today that she is pregnant. Good Job there Courtney!!! Nevermind those pre-natal books, have another hit of Heroine, it does the body good. Some people do not deserve the breath bestowed upon them. I hope and pray the baby makes it OK, because I am sure she does not have the sense to do what would be best for all involved. I hope it is all a lie and a terrible rumor.

A friend of mine said a few weeks ago "Common sense is not so common." Damn Skippy.


At 10:29 AM , Blogger Lora said...

Honestly with situations like maternal drug use I can't help but hope for a miscarriage, you know that the child is going to suffer irreparable damage both in and out of the womb.

My heart really goes out to you with your grandparents, however most senior do have these thinking changes happen. From what you've said, I think being near family will be the best thing for him and the entire family.

At 9:05 PM , Blogger Tacey said...

It's hard when your grandparents start going downhill. My grandpa spent most of this summer in the hospital and eventually had his right leg amputated below the knee. Luckily, he is finally on the road to recovery and he is looking better each time I see him. I haven't been able to blog about it yet, cause it's just too hard for me to write about.

At 9:07 PM , Blogger Tacey said...

Oh, and I've had those moments too, where MissM is crying and I don't know what's wrong, and I just tell her, "I'm sorry, I don't speak baby and I don't know what to do? What can I do?" It doesn't help her, she keeps crying, but somehow, it helps me...


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