A day full of tears

Last night GA did not cease to cause the flood of tears I predicted. At one point in the show Scott looked at me and said "You know it is all going way too well." I said "Yeah, Denny's gonna die." I so wanted to be wrong on that. But, alias, Denny passed and Izzy was not there with him because she wanted to look her best for him. It is that bitter sweet hurt. All for a TV show. Yeah, GA is probably a woman's wet dream. I think this is what you call the female equivalent to a great sports game that men watch on TV. Maybe that is not a fair comparison because the television show is fictional. Last night there were a range of emotions that I think everyone can relate to in some aspect of their life. The scene where they have to put Doc the dog down, boy anyone who has had to do that, tell me you were not re-living your own personal pain there. And to be there with someone that you cannot allow to hug you for comfort.

The moment for me that really hit home, if anyone gives a shit. Well, here it is, Derek is talking to Meredith are in the one exam room. She is telling him not to look at her and he starts saying, "Do you think I want to look at you? Don't you think that I want to look at my wife this way?" He starts talking about how he is having all these feelings for her that he should be having for his wife but he feels nothing for her like he does for Meredith. I lived that moment. My relationship with Scott was born out of a moment like that. I felt the pain Derek was feeling but also an overwhelming love for someone you never thought you would ever have. The love for someone that is more powerful than you both, that no matter how much you try and deny it, it is bigger than you both and it consumes you both. And my sweet dear husband brought me tissues while I cried on the couch watching this drama unfold.

Needless to say when I woke up, my eyes were giving Sandra Oh's competion, they were just about swollen shut due to all the damn crying. Then I get to work and have some issues to deal with. Then I get an e-mail from my Dad. Needless to say after this e-mail I had to close my door because I just cannot handle when my Dad tells me he is proud of me. Without getting too indepth into the e-mail here is an excerpt:

I asked your Mom if I messed up when you where little, not heaping attention on you like I do Sydney. She asked if I felt guilty, I confess I feel a bit so. I can't begin to tell you how totally awestruck I get seeing her grow and develop.

To say thank you to you and Scott for having her is rather silly, but I do know now how others rave about those terrific grand children. I hope I'm always a good influence upon her and she and I are always buddies and close friends....
She like her Mommy is not only beautiful but she just lights up your heart when she does simple things.

You have made me so proud with your accomplishments and success and level headed ambition I can't begin to explain it all. I look at your success and determination and I admire it totally. You have an understanding of things I've never had to encounter especially when it comes to handling people. I tend to either like some one or go the opposite way and shield myself from them, you seem to see through it and work with even the difficult ones......... well, that's pretty cool to me.

I know there is a vast difference between our individual talents, but like your Mother each task you undertake you seem to accomplish far above what may of been expected of you. In that you are so much like your Mom. I'm just so glad I don't have to compete against you both that would be insurmountable.

Now with Sydney, she is certainly a little sponge, and her understanding is so sharp she has such fantastic potential. Heck, I even love her hardheadedness and all, it defines her and makes her and individual and independent to a degree. That's a characteristic you will come to appreciate as she gets older, it may not always make you happy but having a will and the nerve to stand up for yourself is paramount in today world. It's a trait you can't teach you have to have it ingrained in you from the start. Like Ol' Joe Hader used to say "Can't, can't cut it". Course he also said if your looking for "sympathy" it's in the dictionary between "shit and sweat". LOL funny what sticks to you after all these years.

I guess that's what draws me to the Yacht Club bunch they are like "Dad's" in some respects and like "Big Brothers" in others, but they admire and appreciate some one taking initiative and completing a task at hand and making the effort. In that I find a lot of rewards.

I often wonder if I've imparted enough wisdom to you but candidly I think your ambition has shown you know what's right and strive to do so. I know your boss and your work is better for having you there, and I know Scott is really lucky to share his life with you, a relationship is so important it's your defense against the world.

I know proving myself to your Mom was something I really prided myself in and doing so with the constant reminder that your Grandmother and your Grandfather had their doubts made it even more of a "can do" attitude for me. Your Mom, is just so special she's the rock in our foundation, plus she curbs my enthusiasm some so I don't go out of bounds too often! There isn't anyone I can say would of backed me up like she has and "spoiling her a little is a life long dream of mine". She's been my motivation for so long it's as if life would have no meaning had I not met her and shared our love and life together. I hope as you grow older you too can reflect upon how strong a relationship is and how together you both are armed against that big bad world out there.

Ok enough soap box stuff........... Just know your as special now as ever and that little Sydney is just a second chance for a old man to show he really wasn't the worst daddy in the world....... maybe second worst....... :-)

Love ya forever.......

Dad.............

Tears, a day full of tears, but God.... it feels good to be loved.