Having a big D in the big D
I just love that commercial on TV that says "depression hurts." It makes me want to throw the TV out of the window. No depression does not hurt, it can cripple you, it can make you not want to speak, move, eat, sleep, wake-up, walk, blink, live, die, care, hope, dream, want, dress, wash, or anything one might want or have to do during the day. I have had bouts of depression in the past. But I have to say that the past four weeks have pretty much been the lowest pit that I have been in. So low that I have pretty much cut myself off from the world. My friends, my family, my co-workers, everyone. I would do what little I had to do each day to get by and the remainder I would just be. I shut down, hard. I am better, now, not out of my pit but I am talking again and that is 100% better than where I was at. I am by nature a talker, I will talk to anyone and anything, and I clammed up, I would not talk to anyone. I could not talk to anyone, I was afraid if I started to talk that I would lose it and not be able to gain control of myself. I don't like loss of control. That does not make me feel comfortable. A million of things hit me at once, that is life I know, but my inability to handle them and try to adjust as needed has taken its toll on me and I know that I needed help.
So, I called my doctor and I am back into my therapy, where I need to be and with some other medical adjustments I will pull myself out of my pit. Work is work, it is always a struggle. Life can get tricky at times, we have had our ups and downs recently. I don't cope well with things that hit me out of the blue. I have had some struggles and trying to adjust to a few bumps in the road has been hard.
I know I will pull out of this, but it has been hard. To just put forth the effort to even try and write about it was too much. I didn't even care to do that. It wasn't worth it, yet. But I am getting there.