Fell off the bloggin train

I know it has been awhile but did not realize it has been THAT long. WOW. I wish I could say nothing much has happened, I know a lot has. But to sum it all up I truly cannot remember what has or has not transpired. Work is work, Syd amazing, each day she finds more amazing ways to test my ability to remain sane. I often question my ability to raise a responsible human with all of the curve balls she throws me. She tests and tests my patients and I know that this is her way to see what exactly she can get away with. It would be easier to say I give up, but I a) am not a quitter, b) she will not win, c) I am stubborn, d) what I say goes, e) I guess I like torture?

Each day I begin the day and seriously cringe because I don't know what I will be waking up. Why a college educated woman like myself thinks this way, I have not a clue. And if you are thinking "When I have kids, this will not happen to me." Let me tell you, I said the same damn thing. I had this shit all planned out and I wasn't going to let some little person run my world. Just you wait. They will throw your world upside down. Many times Scott and I sit back and wonder, how a trip just to the store could have been derailed and never taken place because she chose not to do one simple task like put on your coat or wash your hands. And seriously all hell breaks loose. We live by, we say it it must be done. And trust me, if you don't follow through on these small tiny things, they become huge issues when it comes to not listening.

On to happier notes. My wishes for this Christmas have already come true! How great is that?! I have had a friend who her husband had lost his job months ago and he got a job this week! I made out a list a few weeks ago of what I wanted for Christmas and the two things I listed were job for Chad and renewed health for Kimmer's husband. Seems that Kim's husband's levels are on the rise as well. I am putting on my list that Haley receive healing too, she is struggling with her cancer again. There is talk of her possibly going to St. Jude. Seems that Cooks Childrens in Ft. Worth is not able to do much else for her. She will be going on her Make a Wish trip shortly after the New Year and we are all very excited for her to go to Disney World! Please keep praying for her and her family!

Merry Christmas, blessings of goodwill to all and health and happiness for 2009.

Better, Tired, and motivated

I am doing better, working hard on myself and focusing on the positive and staying centered on what really matters most in my life. I am exhausted. We had our yearly vacation in FL with the family from NY and MD, is that the abbreviation for Maryland? It was nice to get away, next year I think I am opting to go sans child. Sydney was challenging? I think that would be a nice way to put it, three is ummm well hell. I hate three. I despise three, I would take two all over again to not have three. I feel lost of what to do with three. She is into doing what she wants to hurt you when you are putting her into time out. Yeah sounds fun, like scratching or hitting you with her head or kicking, I just love it, I just love looking like the ass with the child that runs the show. I don't know what to do, I stand my ground but inside but what the hell. Spanking does not seem to work because all I am doing is showing her that her hurting me makes me hurt her back. And then this noise she makes when you tell her something she does not want to hear she does this "ehh" sound and it just grates on my nerves, so we do the soap in the mouth, and that is not even working now. I am at a loss. I am going to have to get a book and figure this one out. ANY suggestion would be appreciated, I thought I would be good at this kid thing....ugh! I don't and won't have this bratty kid if that is the case we will stay locked in our home because I will not take her ass out into public and allow people to witness this behavior.

I took my first ever trip to Las Vegas last week and returned on Monday. It was for my For Your Pleasure business. It was fantastic. I had a blast. Vegas was fantastic, of course I didn't get to see everything I wanted to I knew I wouldn't but I did get to see a nice portion. I learned a lot and met some fantastic people. Bonded with the group of women from my area, cannot wait to apply what I learned into my business and next year Scott is going with me!! One thing I learned about Vegas, you never know what time it is, I lost total track of time. I don't know if it was because I had flown in from FL on Wednesday night and then Thursday afternoon I flew to Vegas. Our meetings started that night at 6 PM and we did not stop until Sunday at midnight. I am still trying to recover. 2-3 hours of sleep were about average because you are in VEGAS!!! Nobody sleeps in Vegas, that is what work is for!

The SUPER BONUS JACKPOT I hit before I even got on the plane to go to Vegas we that Kim an her family came in the day we came back from vacation and I got about 2 hours to spend with her before I flew out again. It was great. Just a few hours her and I chatting, and getting to see one another for a bit. She got to go with me to take Syd to school, Syd played shy, before we got there Syd talked all about her and then clammed right up. Kids gotta love them.

Having a big D in the big D

I just love that commercial on TV that says "depression hurts." It makes me want to throw the TV out of the window. No depression does not hurt, it can cripple you, it can make you not want to speak, move, eat, sleep, wake-up, walk, blink, live, die, care, hope, dream, want, dress, wash, or anything one might want or have to do during the day. I have had bouts of depression in the past. But I have to say that the past four weeks have pretty much been the lowest pit that I have been in. So low that I have pretty much cut myself off from the world. My friends, my family, my co-workers, everyone. I would do what little I had to do each day to get by and the remainder I would just be. I shut down, hard. I am better, now, not out of my pit but I am talking again and that is 100% better than where I was at. I am by nature a talker, I will talk to anyone and anything, and I clammed up, I would not talk to anyone. I could not talk to anyone, I was afraid if I started to talk that I would lose it and not be able to gain control of myself. I don't like loss of control. That does not make me feel comfortable. A million of things hit me at once, that is life I know, but my inability to handle them and try to adjust as needed has taken its toll on me and I know that I needed help.

So, I called my doctor and I am back into my therapy, where I need to be and with some other medical adjustments I will pull myself out of my pit. Work is work, it is always a struggle. Life can get tricky at times, we have had our ups and downs recently. I don't cope well with things that hit me out of the blue. I have had some struggles and trying to adjust to a few bumps in the road has been hard.

I know I will pull out of this, but it has been hard. To just put forth the effort to even try and write about it was too much. I didn't even care to do that. It wasn't worth it, yet. But I am getting there.

Come Home to Mama!

Scott and Syd have been gone since Feb. 1, her 3rd birthday. I sent them both up to visit the great white north to see Grandma and Auntie Moose. They are currently waiting in Northern KY airport for the flight home and I am beyond ready to see both of them. Did the hiatus from Mommy and Wife make me party like a rock star...nope, not even close.

I had a Tastefully Simple convention in Dallas on Friday and all day Saturday. It was great, I got recognized twice for my team sales as a team leader and also in my recruting efforts. Along with many others it was amazing. I got to talk with so many other people who are very successful in their business and that really gets me excited about what I can do as well. For only being in the business for less than a year, I was top recognized and that is pretty impressive, well I think so!

So, coming back to the casa on Saturday evening I had thought I would just eat up being by myself. My parents are still with is for a few more weeks so totally alone is not in the cards. But when I got home no one was there and it was just sad.

No sounds of playing, no Mommy questions, no can I have this, no nada nothing. And yes, it sucked. My parents came home shortly after my arrival and we did go out for dinner and that was nice. But we all agreeded we missed the fam.

It has been very quite at my home, I am ready for toys to be all over the house, for chasing a little girl for a bath, for hugs and kisses from both her and her daddy. I am ready to be a Mommy again. 5 years ago this would have never crossed my mind. When planning this trip for them I just imagined reading at my leisure, doing things at my own pace. I discovered my family is my pace and I did not even crack a book open. I layed awake at night hoping that Wednesday would arrive sooner just because I needed them both back. I know in a few days I will be back to the stress of family life, and it was nice to have a short break. But you find your happiness in your family and you cannot be truly happy when that part is missing.

Daddy is currently wrestling with a cranky 3 year old at the airport, waiting for a delayed plane so they can fly home. He has done a fantastic job with her and I am so lucky that I have a husband that will take these gifts of parenting. Many daddies I know would not even dream of taking a trip like this sans Mother. But it was good for all parties involved. She got massive Grandma time and he got to enjoy his family. I hope to go with them sometime back to Albany, but I just don't "do" snow. It makes me VERY cranky!

Kimmers is flying me to visit her in May! I will get to visit another part of the Country that I have yet to venture to. I am stoked, another weekend for Daddy to wrestle the 3 year old, but on his own home turf.

Besides the travel, I have also been working very hard on a local issue in our community. A child that attends Sydney's school has been diagnosed with Kidney Cancer, she is 4. So in light of this terrible tragedy I have started a raffle fundraiser for Haley Hart. The raffle is February 14, 2008 in the Mansfield City Hall Rotunda. There also is a proclomation for February 14, 2008 to be Haley Hart Day in Mansfield. Thank you former Mayor Barton Scott for your assistance on this for me! You will always have a supporter in me! So if anyone wants to read Princess Haley's Story please go to http://www.haleyhartfund.org/ to read her story. She is just precious.

Well just about 3 hours left till they arrive home. Cannot wait to hug and kiss them both!