That really does not make me feel better...

O.K. Sydney saw the Dr. Dr. said her toes do point in more than she would like. Also said most of the time babies feet point outward not inward, said it is probably nothing, that she will probably grow out of it, BUT, before she makes this call, she is calling Scottish Rite Hospital. She is going to call them, tell them of the situation and let them make the call if she should be seen by a specialist or not. Scottish Rite, one of my worst fears. The other being St. Jude's Childrens Research Hospital. I spent 13+ years living in Memphis, TN, and St. Jude's is just one of those bitter sweet things you learn about in life. My high school biology teacher used to work for St. Jude at one time, he had to quit, he said it was an emotional hell. I can only imagine, I am so damn lucky to have a child that is the healthiest thing, I feel that this might be a mole hill that I am making a mountain. I keep thinking, I don't want my child to be made fun of, what I can prevent I will.

Mind you I had my overshare of teasing while growing up, I am 6'1" tall, I REFUSED to wear yellow while in school because being called "Big Bird" was such a hit to my fragile ego. And my name being Tawny is so damn close to the name Brawny, the fucking paper towels. It was hell, but tell me a kid that does not get teased. I guess it hardened me for todays world, that my Mom told me the world was not fair nor nice, it did not have to be. But I look at Sydney and think, what can I do to make her growing up easier? In the grand scheme of things, she is fine, she can walk, talk, eat, sing, yell, scream, all with the ease that she should. I just want her to reflect the perfect little person I see when I look at her, I want the world to look at my child and be accepting and love her and care for her like I do, but you know what, it does not work that way. It is a hard world and I just hope and pray I can prepare her the best way possible to be productive and a genuine asset to the world. To give back always, even when you feel you have nothing left to give, because that is the best gift of all.

This must be what it is like to be a parent, no one wrote about this in the damn book. I just hope I am doing it right.