Strange weekend

This past weekend marked the one year mark of Bonnie's death. To some extent I have been watching the days go by and kept thinking it is coming and what will it be like for me. The anger I felt the week after her funeral and have been carrying for the past 12 months I can finally say is gone. Not sure if I have ever said blogwise what I discovered the week after she was killed but, I found that she was stealing from the company. I was also her boss. If this discovery was made and she had not died, I would have had to terminate her. My grief was so stunned and I don't think I was ever able to get through all of my feelings. Gee, it sounds so damn silly, working through my feelings... On Tuesday on my way home from work, I had to run a few errands. I was in the area of the cemetery and I went to her grave. I finally was able to say in spite of all that was discovered I still miss her and miss her friendship. This is big for me. On the way home crying, talking to Scott I told him, even if circumstances were different and I had to fire her and she never talked to me again, I still would rather that be the case than her to be gone.

On another strange and beyond freaky occurrence and I swear this happened and I am so glad Scott was there to witness this. At 1:30 am on Monday our home phone rang. Just about 1 1/2 hours earlier that last year when I got the call that Bonnie had been killed. I woke up and though no, no way please not again. It was some freaking wrong number and I am so damn glad of that, but I swear it was fucking weird. Scott says maybe it is Bonnie trying to talk to me or something. And the way I believe I think he might be right. And now I can see if she was she would have to do it at a strange time, so I would know.

I do still miss her, but now I am able to speak about her and remember the good things about her. A year helps the anger fade but the loss, it is still there.

Kim sent me the most amazing present ever. It is a necklace that has a photo of Sydney in it, not a locket but a necklace that the focal point is her photo. It has a charm next to the photo on another chain of a heart. It brought me to tears, not too hard to do but it was just wonderful. But the most amazing thing to me is that she remembered what a hard time this weekend might bring upon me. And her e-mails from her telling me that she is thinking of me and praying for me, just touches my heart so deeply. I am such a lucky person to have Her.

Well, coffee is done, I have about 15 min before I have to get ready for work....better run. Folgers is calling.