Strange weekend

This past weekend marked the one year mark of Bonnie's death. To some extent I have been watching the days go by and kept thinking it is coming and what will it be like for me. The anger I felt the week after her funeral and have been carrying for the past 12 months I can finally say is gone. Not sure if I have ever said blogwise what I discovered the week after she was killed but, I found that she was stealing from the company. I was also her boss. If this discovery was made and she had not died, I would have had to terminate her. My grief was so stunned and I don't think I was ever able to get through all of my feelings. Gee, it sounds so damn silly, working through my feelings... On Tuesday on my way home from work, I had to run a few errands. I was in the area of the cemetery and I went to her grave. I finally was able to say in spite of all that was discovered I still miss her and miss her friendship. This is big for me. On the way home crying, talking to Scott I told him, even if circumstances were different and I had to fire her and she never talked to me again, I still would rather that be the case than her to be gone.

On another strange and beyond freaky occurrence and I swear this happened and I am so glad Scott was there to witness this. At 1:30 am on Monday our home phone rang. Just about 1 1/2 hours earlier that last year when I got the call that Bonnie had been killed. I woke up and though no, no way please not again. It was some freaking wrong number and I am so damn glad of that, but I swear it was fucking weird. Scott says maybe it is Bonnie trying to talk to me or something. And the way I believe I think he might be right. And now I can see if she was she would have to do it at a strange time, so I would know.

I do still miss her, but now I am able to speak about her and remember the good things about her. A year helps the anger fade but the loss, it is still there.

Kim sent me the most amazing present ever. It is a necklace that has a photo of Sydney in it, not a locket but a necklace that the focal point is her photo. It has a charm next to the photo on another chain of a heart. It brought me to tears, not too hard to do but it was just wonderful. But the most amazing thing to me is that she remembered what a hard time this weekend might bring upon me. And her e-mails from her telling me that she is thinking of me and praying for me, just touches my heart so deeply. I am such a lucky person to have Her.

Well, coffee is done, I have about 15 min before I have to get ready for work....better run. Folgers is calling.


At 12:30 PM , Blogger Jen said...

Hey girl. I'm glad your heart is healing. I can only imagine the turmoil and I'm glad you have such a good friend to help!

At 4:54 PM , Anonymous n!ta said...

folgers? girl, lemme send you some java from whole foods market. guaranteed to wake your bum up immediately!

that whole situation was sooo weird. man. the ships that sail through our lives, huh?

At 7:49 AM , Blogger TL said...

I hear you Nita! My folgers is just about out and I am going to get some good beans to wake myself up!

At 2:44 PM , Blogger Masked Mom said...

Glad to hear you've gotten past the anger--that crap will kill you if you keep it around too long.

And I love hearing about Kim and how close you guys are even though you're so far apart. It's truly inspirational to those of us who have friends sprinkled all over the continent! :)


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