Thirty-five...yes, I said 35

Ha! I have to laugh, I was typing above and typed 25, ahh to be 25 and know what I know as 35. Yes today, the day, the birthday 35. I just keep thinking, when my Mom was 35 she had a 15 year old. I am 35 dealing with a 9 month old, one who thought today would be a great day to scream at her mother all morning while she got her ready for daycare. One who each time you tried to feed her the Yo-baby yogurt she screamed because you could not shovel it in fast enough. The one who when you tried to feed her faster got madder because she could not grab the spoon and throw banana yogurt and cereal all over herself and Mommy. Yes that one, that's my baby girl. She was just a pistol this morning. How can picking her up from her crib and laying her on the changing table instill such a change from smiling happy baby to screaming your killing me baby? She, she can really push my buttons.

Don't even get me started on the car seat. I hate that DAMN thing. Yes, more than you Sydney, Mommy hates it so much that when you out grow it I am taking a baseball bat to it and beating the utter hell out of it. I so cannot wait for that day!

Saturday was Sydney's last swimming lessons class. She was way to small for the class, but it gave me 25 minutes to play with her in the pool and get her acclimated to the water. She knows to reach for the side and will kick and reach after a toy. I have no clue if she learned anything other than grab for Mommy's top to show everyone Mommy's boobs, yes, such a treat for the 15 yr old life guards. It was fun, and she sleeps so well after class.

This weekend was a whirlwind of cleaning and packing and throwing shit out. Tons and tons of shit out of my house. My closet is cleaned, you have no idea what a miracle this is. My Mom asked if it was cleaned and had to go see it. I think photos will be taken and sent out as Christmas gifts to everyone it is such a miracle. I hate cleaning, did I ever tell anyone that. We are far from done, but closer to the end.

Friday I saw the therapist again. It was good, I have been instructed to take the Xanax everyday. Friday, I caused myself such panic and stress and worry. I had a very tearful day behind my closed door in my office. When I got home, I was in bed by 8 pm and asleep. I never realized how much my anxiety rules my life and how exhausting it is. It sucks. Today I got up, was freaking out before I even was out of bed. Took the pill, and I am level, clear thinking and sane today. First Monday at work I have spent like that in awhile. Happy Birthday to me!!!

One thing that Wanda said to me before I left, I am holding it so close. "Some of the bravest people she knows are scared to death." WOW, it speaks volumes to me.


At 8:20 AM , Blogger nosthegametoo said...

Happy Birthday, young lady. Wishing you Peace and Love on the anniversity of your birth, all the way from blog-world.

At 9:45 AM , Blogger TL said...

Why thank you so very much!

At 6:54 PM , Blogger Masked Mom said...

Happy 35th...the cleaning thing? A few years ago, my sister sent me a Halloween card--on the front was a witch flying in front of the moon and it said, "This year, use your broom for something different..."
And inside it said, "Sweeping the floor."

Nice to meet you, sloppy soul sister! ;)

At 9:53 AM , Anonymous Dear Husband said...

I tend to restrain myself from adding my .02 to this blog here, but I feel the need to today.

Most who read this have not met Tawny, and that's a shame. She's even more gorgeous today than the day I met her nearly 10 years ago. Luckily, her first husband was too fucking stupid to realize what he had, but that's a rant for another day.

As you hopefully have read, my wife has taken repeated kicks to the crotch the past few months. Between tragically losing a friend, having another move, buying a house, motherhood, work, and dealing with my annoying ass, most people would have chewed on a revolver or run around the neighborhood in a pair of tights and a WWII infantry helmet, screaming 'The Germans Are Coming, The Germans Are Coming!' Or was that a dream I had last night...anyway, she is gonna get through all this because she is the strongest person I have ever met in my life. Maybe it's that Kraut blood she's got flowing through her veins that makes her want to take over the world. I don't know. She's a little too headstrong for her own good, but try telling that to a 6'1" blond bombshell (love you honey!). I just want all who read this blog to know that the miscellaneous ramblings adorning this website are real and serve as a peephole into the mind of my lovely wife and all her struggles. I used to think blogs were kinda, well, silly. I have since seen the benefits of having an outlet to vent your frustrations and hear from others with similar experiences. Mind you, I won't be throwning down a blog anytime soon, but the next time I get my scrotum punted, I might just have to break out the keyboard and get BigNasty on ya... Check back tomorrow as I'm not sure what to expect when I get home after writing this...

Finally, I'd like to say to my wife... I love you with all my being and I know that we'll get through all of this, and be better because of it.

oh... one more thing... how do I get Sydney to pull down your blouse so I can see the sweater kittens? It's not fair that a bunch of pubescent punks get to peruse the goods and I'm standing here pocket fishing for some trouser trout.

At 8:45 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwww. I am so glad you have one another, T. And happy birthday, at this point, late. I was on a LONG ass bus trip with 51 senior adults. To Branson. Yeah. Me too. I hope your birthday - despite screaming fits and the following day, which was apparenty a struggle - was memorable in a good way. I thought about you several times and remembered waaaay back when. Even before 25. Oy.

At 6:07 PM , Blogger TL said...

Thank you all very much. It is very much appreciated.


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