When I do it, I do it big

I have had a bit of a hiatus with my quest to read every book I can put my hands on, well really no not every book, some just do not do it for me. I go through spells where I will read and read and read and then for months not touch a book. Then it will start up again. Right now I am on a three book read at once, well two really, I just finished one. Well, reading only one but listening to another on tape while in the car. I just finished listening to Never Change by Elizabeth Berg, I just love all her works. This one was good, not quite as good as others I have read by her, she never disappoints. I am now listening to Cover the Butter, I forget who writes this one, it is based in England so I am treated to the English accent while I listen to my book. Even if it is trash, it makes me feel more cultured that it is read in that such uppity tone. This one is really good. I am enjoying it so much. I am also reading, yes, really reading The Myth of You and Me. I forget who has written this one too, but, I saw it on Dooce's website. So far so good with it too. I guess the more I read the less time I have to worry about EVERYTHING.

This worry thing, well not worry, anxiety thing I am really ready for it to go the fuck away. It is a vicious cycle with me. I start thinking and then it becomes this circular mess. All leading to me obsessing that we will not have enough money to live in the new house, we will not have money to eat, heat, live or exist. I start worrying and it gets so far out of control. Then I think about my list, where Wanda tells me only worry about today not tomorrow or the next day. And I also think you have worked it out on paper a bazillion times, yes really and each time it works, quit worrying.

I know this must seem like the past million posts on my blog, but this is what I do. I was talking to the lady that does my nails the other day and she was telling me about the one girl that does hair in the salon. She told me that she just got her power cut off again, mind you this is about the 5th yes I said 5th time this has happened. She told me about how this person never has money for her rent, car payment, utilities ect. And this is a month to month thing with this person. We talk about this persons financial issues each time I get my nails done. The other day I sat and said, this is GREAT for me, I sit and worry about things like this that will likely never happen to me and this person is living it and seems to have no worry at all. How does she do it?! How does she keep from cracking up? How the fuck can she live like that? I think I would die. Or put myself insane with worry. Wow, it just floors me.

I used to call my bank multiple times a day to check my balance, it does not change. Really, I would call 5-10 times a day, hear the same damn number over and over, but it had to be done. Yes we have a tad bit of OCD.

Yesterday I got to pick Sydney up from daycare. Scott worked at home trying to get it in some sort of order to try to get it ready to go on the market. I felt so bad for little Miss. It was 6 pm and she was the last one on the baby side of the building. She was there by herself the other room had the light off and all the toys had been disinfected for the day. She was crawling around on the foam hill they have in her room, but just alone. Smiling as big as Christmas at me, showing me the 4 teeth she has, but I felt so sad for her. She was clueless but I still felt like a heel.

She came home, we ate dinner, played and she was in bed before 8 pm. She could stay up later if she would nap longer than 45 min for the WHOLE DAMN DAY. Yes, she is a non-sleeper at school.

Well, lunch is here at work. Kung Pow is calling my name.


At 6:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Syd looked soooooo cute in her Kiss costume.
As for the worrying... don't. Like your mom said, if you feel like it's right, it is. GO with it. It'll be okay.

At 5:34 AM , Blogger The Girl Who said...

Elizabeth Berg is fantastic.. I too read a bunch of books at a time and then abandon reading altogether for a time.. Hi from Manhattan!


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