Strange behavior

Yesterday I started a post. At the time that I was writing I was in severe pain. For some reason my body had built up a ton of gas pressure and I was in such pain. I was trying anything to get the pain to dissipate. (Right now my husband is freaking out that I am talking about this, the man cannot deal with bodily functions...only his own) I wanted to lay down knowing if I did it would offer relief. So, I trudge upstairs to the back empty office at my work and lay on the floor. Twice. I had the pain on and off all afternoon and when I got home from work it was again piercing my stomach with its sharp blade of pain. I have no idea what made this occur, I ate 6 gas-x tablets and my diet was no different than any other day. Freakish, what was really strange for me was telling my one employee, "If you need me I will be on the floor in the back office upstairs." I just kept walking like it was the most normal thing I had said all day. She just looked at me and said "oh, OK thanks."

Tonight yes, tonight the realtor comes over. I am assuming tonight we will have the signage in our yard to proclaim "FOR SALE." Fuck, now I have to live like a guest in my own house. Two days, yes two days in a row I have made the bed. I follow the belief this is a meaningless task, you are going to mess it up later anyway. But, I was bred in a home where you make the bed, no questions asked. I know it drives my Mother crazy that I will only make my bed in the very rarest of occasions. I guess I could take a photo of the bed made and give that to her as one of her Christmas gifts. Seeing that I have yet to buy ANYTHING for them and my Mother-in-Law and the other relatives on the Husband's side of the family. Can we go back to December 1, and start all over please. I need to be a bit more organized.

Work is stressful, my Boss is known for his lack of holiday cheer. I swear each year in the 12 years I have worked for him, I have yet to have a Christmas where he was not a grumpy grump. I swear he does it to prevent from having to give out Christmas gifts. We used to get killer gifts, like gift certificates in outrageous amounts like $ 500.00. Those are the years gone by. This year we are having a company BBQ lunch, last year we fried turkeys and each one of us in the office brought a side dish for all the employees. I made pans and pans of green bean casserole, to feed 100. I never wanted to see green bean casserole again, and I was 8 almost 9 months pregnant at the time. So, my boss runs around being a grumpy ass, put me in a bad mood because I am looking at the financials and the numbers are just not where they need to be. Mind you he a few months ago said "I am going to let you run this and I will just ask when I need to know." Meaning I don't want to know if we are getting low, I just want to spend and let you worry about how to cover it all. I have been in a constant state of "we don't have funds for that" for MONTHS and yet they still spend it. Gee, so much fun and so much stress.

I also have to do something for my Wanda visit tomorrow. I have been putting it off and I cannot do it any longer. I have to write a letter to Bonnie and read it to her tomorrow. Where to begin and what to say, getting it organized into words is going to be hard. I know I will be better off when I am done, but it still is going to be hard. I cannot believe how the months have flown by since she has passed. I still can hear her voice in my head, her thick southern drawl. I hope I never lose that.