Just random things I need to get off my chest

Due to the drama of today, I did not get to blog about what I really wanted to blog about today. I have to admit this outlet has really helped me with anxiety ridden instances when I feel lost and confused. I write to vent, to think, to ponder, to help me deal with what life throws me. I go back and read what I have written, gaining perspective and re-evaluating what I said and did at the time, some good some bad. Plus, this outlet has given me a way to reach other people I would have never known existed. For that I am grateful, many are feeling like family, I only getting a glimpse of your lives by what you blog about in your life. But I feel so many are struggling like myself with the same issues of the day. It helps to know that your not alone, it helps to get words of encouragement from others that have been where I am at now. For that I thank you.

O.K. so, first, Valentine's Day, my thoughts, take them leave them, shit on them I don't care. I think that if you need 1 day a year to express your love your an ass. If you need one day, then do it on your anniversary. Not the same day that every other schmuck out there has to do it to. When I was married to my "other" husband, Valentine's Day was a big deal, "Why?" Because he was a clueless fuck that is why, and that day on the calendar was the only day that I could pretty much guess I would get something that constituted "love." The first year I knew Scott, that Valentine's Day I was still married, Scott and I were friends, he brought me a Valentine Card to my office, it was the nicest card I think I have ever gotten. He also brought myself and the other girl I worked with in my office flowers. It was very sweet, that evening I think my husband when to the grocery store and bought some overpriced roses. I guess the reason I now feel that February 14th is dumb is that my husband now, Scott, has the wonderful ability to make me feel loved everyday and does not need a day on the calendar to tell him to do so. That is the best Valentine's ever. I know I bitch and moan and groan about him on here a lot. Quite frankly he can get on my last nerve, I receive constant criticism in my choice of underwear because I feel having something voluntarily up my ass is fucking stupid. I am bitchy enough, I don't need to feel my thong about to pop out of my mouth to make me even more bitchy. I don't give enough sex, because quite frankly I like to sleep, eat, have a job, raise a child, cook, ect. ect. But, let me tell you, I have had it the other way, where my husband is not interested in sex and falls asleep on you, yes it has happened and it SUCKS. So, no matter how much I bitch and moan about Scott, I am so damn glad to have him as my husband, because if you know him, you know how much he loves me, it radiates from him. I did not know that someone could love me that much, it touches me in the deepest part of my core.

So, I have no card to give him, I am sure he will have one for me, he is always good at that, but it is the cards and flowers I get not on the 14th of February that mean more, because no damn calendar told him it was time to do so. So baby, I love you always.

Second, Westminster Dog Show, each year we watch. Each year I get pissed during the Toy Group. This year we watch, at my parents, Sydney is at the TV signing "Dog" like no ones business, getting so excited watching the dogs on TV. We go home to our house, get her ready for bed, I get myself ready for bed and conk out, forgetting to watch the damn Toy Group. Today Scott calls and says guess what? We forgot about Westminster, damn, I say. Also, guess what, I guess "The Pug wins?" "Yep." Damn, damn, damn! To know me is to know I LOVE PUGS. I have two and besides Sydney these dogs are my life. I kid you not a few years ago when the Pug lost, I cried, I sat on the couch and cried. I have yelled repeatedly at my TV when the Pug does not win. So, this year he wins and I miss it, that is OK with me, You go boy!! I will have to watch tonight, I just hope I don't jinx the damn thing!!!!

Third, I just have to say this because when I heard the news, my first thought was this: When I heard that Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter, my first thought was, "I am surprised he did not have a heart attack and die from the sheer shock." My boss is a big game hunter, yes, we have an elephant trash can in his office, the foot of the elephant(when he got it it smelled like poo), yes, I know what you think, I don't care, it is not my life, I just work here. I have my own feelings on this matter I will keep to myself, but I have to say the trophy room in his house is something of amazement. Anyway, him being the avid hunter he is, he said that if you are a hunter you get peppered, it is nature of the beast. Remind me never to go hunting...I don't want to be peppered with shot. I take my pepper on my food please.

Fourth, I hate Andrea Yates, this woman ranks right up there with her. I was pregnant at the time of this crime here in my area of the U.S. My feelings on this matter are so hard to put into words. I admit that she must be insane to do what she has done, I in my fucked up mind could never imagine doing what she did and hope and pray I never ever do and if I do, just kill me. I do not deserve to live. I feel you are guilty of your actions, insane or not and you must be punished, that no matter how long you spend in jail or a hospital you will still not have paid back for what you have taken. I watch my daughter when she falls and hits her head and the way she cries in pain, I cannot even begin to imagine how this poor child suffered, I just hope that God put the child out of its misery so the pain was short.

Fifth, after that happy subject, in the chaos of all that is going on, I am getting ready to go on a very much needed vacation. Thursday I fly with Syd and my parents to South Carolina to see my Aunt and her family. Scott will follow us out on Saturday. I am so looking forward to this trip. I have not spent much time in SC, only there once for my Aunt's wedding almost 20 years ago. I do not remember much, but we are going to Asheville to the Biltmore on Friday. Right now I am trying to get things tied up here at work, things are pretty much ready for me to go, they gotta sink or swim while I am gone. I will have my laptop and I am struggling on finding a battery for it. But, with my cell phone and computer I can do everything I would do from the office just away from the office and not there to scare the shit out of them, because I will be gone. I am sure they are just as happy that I will be gone too.

I am just feeling overwhelmed because the short trip to Memphis we made last month took just about 300 bags of luggage for 2 1/2 days, so 10 days will require 900 bags I am sure, plus my laptop. And we are flying on a SMALL PLANE, 2 and 2 if you know what I am talking about. I would love an MD80 but nope, we get this. Whoopeee, Xanax here I come baby.

O.K. I think that was all I felt I needed to get off my chest. I think I can go on with my day now....