Why it works

The past few weeks have been extremely stressful on the relationship between my husband and I. Not just moving in with the my parents, but the stress of packing and moving and moving again. He remains ever so excited about the new house, I sit and worry and stress about money, food, life in general. Scott the eternal optimist in my world and at times it drives me nuts. But truth be told if he worried half as much as I did, it would cause me to go into a full tailspin. He does things that drive me nuts. He moved the instruction manuals for every new item in our house from a drawer to a shelf. This just really pissed me off, my logic on this, the kitchen is mine, I don't go into your garage and start moving your tools and such, so leave my kitchen and its contents alone. I am a slob, I could live with laundry all over the house, never pick up a towel after a shower and do what little house work I would have to do to get by. Scott is the cleaner in the relationship, the laundry doer, the maid in so many ways. Our relationship is odd to others I am sure, but this is why it works for us.

I was talking to my Mom this weekend and I told her he does things that drive me crazy, I will admit, but me harping on them and bitching all the time is just going to put me in a bad mood. You have to pick your battles and decide is that really going to matter? I could nit pick as I am sure he could do me, but what I have figured out is that because of Scott, I am a better person. He makes me what I am and validates me. When anyone who knows us thinks of him, I can assure you that one of the first things they think of is "he loves his wife and child more than anything else in the world." When I was married before I could envision my life without him in it. But when I think of my world without Scott it scares me and hurts in a place that I never knew I had in myself.

When he and I were in the early stages of our relationship there was a time when I broke the relationship off to try and work things out with my now ex-husband. I went to see Scott and tell him goodbye. When I think of this time in our relationship it still makes me cry. Crushing racking sobbing crying. I have the same nightmare over and over of this conversation and in my nightmare I can never get back to him and tell him to forget all that I said I want to be with him. The whole thing was more complex than these short sentences, but the feelings tied to this run very deep. I hope that we both model a good relationship to our daughter, I hope that as she grows she sees how much we love one another, even when I am sitting there wondering what planet he came from and why he will not do things my way which will always be the "right" way.

Why it works, because we both try to make it work. We realize that relationship requires work everyday. I was done trying in my first before we even got started. Maybe it was immaturity, maybe it was because I knew I was fighting bigger battles that I would never be able to win. I knew that my feelings and thoughts did not rank up there compared to those of his parents. I was alone in so many ways. Yet, became stronger in myself by having this loneliness. And also learning that I wanted someone to challenge me and love me. Scott and I lived together for 7 years before I decided I was ready to take the step towards marriage. When we married our relationship did not change, just my name. When I moved in with him 7 years prior we were more married than I was in my official marriage. The relationship I left was more like a roommate situation. The realization that I failed at the first marriage was hard, but then I also had to admit that I was not the only one who failed, a marriage is of two people and when one fails it is due to a breakdown between the two people. Whether the other person wants to admit fault is not my concern, but I knew from that relationship what I wanted and did not want in the next one. I am a better wife now because of that relationship. I try harder because I love Scott. He tries harder because he loves me. He told me something funny recently, when he and his ex-wife moved into their duplex she refused to stay there with him for the first week. She told him that was not her home. The first night Scott stayed in our new house, I stayed with my parents for one last time. It was easier that way with Sydney, but because he was not there, we were not home.

It works for us and we work hard to make it work.


At 2:37 PM , Blogger Mrs Marcos said...

I have recurring nightmares about my exhusband. In my nightmare he has somehow convinced me to get back together with him but I keep thinking of my current husband and how I really love him and I want to be with HIM, not with my EXhusband. My nightmares are always about how to escape the bad first marriage and get back to my real marriage with my current husband...

I hate that dream.

Congrats again on being "home" with your family. :)

At 2:47 PM , Blogger TL said...

Damn Mrs Marcos, your dream sounds a lot like my dreams. I have dreams like that too and they are classified as nighmares!! It is strange what we dream and how much truth lie in them.

Thanks is it nice to be home.

At 7:05 PM , Blogger Kim said...

OMG!!! You have me tearing up. That is the one and first thing I think about Scott, he loves you and Syd so much. Most women would give anything for someone to love them like that!!!

I am glad you are all home together! Now, give that man some so we don't have to endure another post from him about it! :-) HAH! Miss ya tons!

At 7:49 PM , Blogger Krust said...

That Kim sure is a smart girl... :)

At 7:54 PM , Blogger Krust said...

Oh... and that "my way or the wrong way" shit... you get that from your father. I soooooooo can't deal with that. But, we make it work and that's what is important.

At 6:01 AM , Blogger TL said...



Thank goodness for the weekend, hopefully EVERYTHING will get back to normal.

I miss you too!!!


It only drives you crazy because you know my way is the "right" way, and you hate to be wrong.

At 3:51 PM , Blogger Masked Mom said...

I think there's way more work in the ones that work than most people realize. I also think there is often some other element that we can't quite name/analyze, etc.

Anyway, enough of my deep philosophizing shit for today. Hope you're rested up and settled in soon!


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