Sunday

Here one day gone the next

This past week has been just beyond depressing and overwhelming for me. Work has been just about more than I can handle. A few weeks ago I had to go to the dr due to chest pains. I was told it is due to stress, and to have a few drinks at night to help me relax a bit. I am working on this...ha!

Mind you my boss left over a week ago to go to Mongolia for ANOTHER fucking hunt. Yeah his hunting schedule is "cut back this year", yeah my ass it is. I think we are about to 60 days gone on the hunting trips so far this year and we still have November and December.

And the moment that pretty much put me over the edge, Thursday I woke up getting ready for work and Bucky my black pug was running into things and unable to see anything. Seems after the blood work he has SARDS, no cure and pretty much they go to bed able to see one day and the next day complete blindness in both eyes. It is just devastating, he is my "little handsome" and he and I have always had such a special bond. After having 4 dogs this one adored me. From day one, he has been my dog. Needless to say he is very confused and struggling. He will adapt and still live a long life he is not suffering and they said that soon he will be back to his chipper self. Now that I know what is going on, he has blown up like a balloon in the past few months, I just thought he was mad at me. It is depression from the onset of the blindness. IF they could only talk and say, "hey, things are a little hard to see here."

I am keeping my chin up, trying to work on my positive thoughts. My Tastefully Simple calendar for the month of October has just about exploded all over the place. And November is filling up fast too.

I wonder what happened to those funny posts I used to have?

Syd is beyond amazing. She can still be the 2 yr old that makes me want to drink myself into a stupor because it is so freaking frustrating at times. But then we have days where she is so funny and tells me some of the most hillarious things ever. After we pray at night before bed we say "thanks be to God" when she says this it sounds like "Gawd" Her best Archie Bunker imitation! She is just really focused on "when I get bigger and bigger I can have ______" Then she will tell us she is big and strong from eating her dinner. Yeah one bite of something does not constitute world heavy weight champion status there sweetie!

She came home singing "Little Bunny Foo Foo" the other day. I asked her to sing the song for Gran-Gran that she was singing at school. She looked at my Mother and I and said "Little Bunny Poo Poo?" and proceeded to laugh her ass off. I truly expected this at the age of 5 or 6 but at 2 1/2 it floored me.

As Sydney would say "I'm so crazy momma." When did I become Momma? A month ago I was still Mommy. Daddy is still Daddy, but I am now Momma. Damn it!

2 Comments:

At 7:13 PM , Blogger Kim said...

I am already Mom, which I don't care for a bit. I want Mommy or Momma back.

I truly am sorry about Bucky. I wish things were different and that he could still see. It is easy for me to say, but I do know he'll learn to adapt.

I hope you are feeling better and know we are praying for you!

 
At 4:21 PM , Blogger Jen said...

I am so with you on the momma thing. Somewhere along the line, I became momma or mom (sometimes), and it's never mommy any more. But daddy is still daddy. How does that happen? I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

 

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