Everybody does it but it still is funny as HELL!!

Last night I ran some Christmas errands. Oh yes, one side note, I have decided I am wishing EVERYONE a Merry Christmas, just on principal this year. So, if I run into you and we have a conversation, be ready for the wishing from me. Anyway, back on track here, I was running Christmas errands getting a few more gifts here and there, I happened to wander into Hallmark, because I care enough to send the VERY best, and I am reading the Christmas cards, laughing my ass off at the Shoebox Greetings. I am laughing like crazy over the picked over ones, I can only imagine how funny the ones I did not get to see were!! I wander over to the other side of the store where there is not much traffic. See some pretty neat photo frames, I am about 15 feet away from another woman to my left. All of a sudden, she farts, yes farts, LOUD farts, a man fart, loud and long about 5 -8 seconds long. It was the fart that keeps on going and going and going. To say that I am shocked is the understatement of the freaking year.

It had every ounce of strength I had to keep my self together because I wanted to scream laughing out loud. The woman was VERY shocked of the power of her fart, I am sure she thought it would have been quite and low on the Richter scale in reverberation. Afterwards, she says "OH excuse me!" In a level tone that only I can hear. I act like I hear nothing, no fart, no excuse me, nothing, I am deaf. I saunter over to pay for my purchases, dying to get out of the store to call my husband. I get in the car, call him and tell him "Oh, I so wish you were here with me!" Laughing and laughing and laughing as I talk to him. He asked what was going on, starting to laugh himself because I have lost it I am DYING, it was so freaking funny. I tell him my story, he keeps saying "OH MY!" I laugh and laugh and laugh. Then I make some jokes giggle more and he asked how old she was. I told him, she was probably in her 40's you know, not to the point where holding in your farts is a thing you cannot or care not to do anymore. Not elderly, the elderly have license to fart, ANYWHERE and loud. I have no idea where this is written, maybe it is in AARP and it tells you upon hitting age 70 and above let em' rip whenever and wherever you are. GOD it was funny!

I still sit here and laugh my ass off as I re-count it. Plus, after I told Scott, I had to call my friend Stephanine. I told her, GOD I wish you were with me to live this moment with me. I did feel bad for the woman, I don't know how she had the ability to stay there, I would have bolted faster than the speed of freaking light.

Oh, goodness, that was funny. Yesterday before my trip to Hallfart I did go see the Dr. about the meds and the weight gain I have been fighting tooth and nail for over a month. I do not own a scale but my jeans tell me that something has got to give and it is going to be the button on the jeans if this keeps up. Well, I am so unhappy to announce that since I started this new drug I have gained 13, yes 1-3 freaking pounds. So, we are trying to reduce the dose and if this does not work we will take me off it totally and try to up some of the other meds I am on to see if that will work. I am upping the dose on the other med I am on trying to see if it will offset the weight gain and the freaking hunger that has been beating me down for the past few weeks. Does not matter what I eat, protein, sugar, starch, soon after my body is freaking out I am shaking needing food because my blood sugar is freaked out. It is the meds 100% and hopefully things will be back in a month or so. I HATE this, but it will get better.

The house is on the market, as of end of business today. They came to do the virtual tour today, and the sign will be in the yard when I get home. The flyer that they made is done, they sent it to me via e-mail yesterday. My Dad, JUST sent me an e-mail about the house brochure and told me it looks great and that he loves me more than sweet, silly but sweet.

Things should tie up here at work nicely for the holidays. We are working all week, Friday we have our BBQ lunch for our employees. It is a blow off day because most of our customers will shut down around noon. Next week will be a joke, so many people off of work and since you have the next holiday a few days down the road no need in starting on any new construction projects. WOW, 2006, seems like just yesterday I was bitching and moaning about being pregnant and huge and waddling like a duck going to water. Ahh, what a great holiday we will have watching Miss Sydney Renee' open gifts and play with boxes.


At 7:30 PM , Blogger Kim said...

How funny! Nathan farted in church on Sunday and thankfully the lady infront of us knew it was him! I was waiting for the day when he either farted or grunted while making a nice diaper for his daddy!

Hope things go well with the house, don't be discouraged, ours took over 2 1/2 months to sell, and the guy practially raped us (sorry I don't have a better way to put it right now, the wound is still raw)! :-)

At 6:45 PM , Blogger Masked Mom said...

Sounds like Fart Butt Lady really, really cared enough to send the very, very, very best.

At 5:51 AM , Blogger TL said...

OH that is funny MM, that is EXACTLY what I told Scott when I called him on the phone laughing hysterically.


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