Three weeks from tomorrow...ALREADY?!

Tomorrow will be three weeks until Sydney turns gasp, gulp, tear.....one. I say this in the smallest voice possible because I am so hoping the days DRAG on. I so hope I never see the mountain that is one for her. I so want to take this past year and put it in a bottle and never let us pass this major milestone. I know it is just a freaking number but, the year as all Mothers know has F-L-O-W-N by. To some extent I still think I should be pregnant, Lord knows I am so glad that I am not, I love having MY body back thank you. But 1?! Come on! No it cannot be true. My parents are counting down the days because it means we can turn the car seat around. I have been voted to have the worst car seat around. It time and time again, if you are not careful with pinch the living shit out of Sydney and she will scream and cry. It has the ability to make you feel like the worst person in the world because you HURT.HER.FOR.NO.REASON, you TERRIBLE BEING YOU!!! I don't think turning the fucker around will make it easier, I have gotten to be pretty savvy at getting her in her seat because I do it everyday. I am pretty fast too. I also have seems to master the way to buckle her in without pinching her. This after I think 4 times doing it and feeling like the lowest piece of shit around. Everyone has done it at least once, when someone new does it I tell them, so she will get over it don't worry. Yeah it pinches her and she gets a little bruise but all of us have done it, don't worry she won't scream for long. I know the person still is feeling like shit, and I try to take the guilt away by telling them it is really ok she will live and forget it in 5 minutes or so.

The first time I did it, my parents were there and my Dad looked at me and asked "Did you pinch her?!" My Mom was there too and she looked at my Dad and asked "Why would she pinch her baby?!" Of course this making me feel even worse, I have to admit yes I did pinch her and this seat is a bitch to operate. It just goes downhill from there. I just hope she can go the next 3 weeks without getting the shit pinched out of her one last time before we turn the fucker around. I don't see how turning it around is going to prevent the pinching but everyone in my family thinks it will. Not me, I know it is the damn seat.

So, 1. What is more amazing than her turning 1 is that we did it. I just remember the overwhelming feeling the afternoon we got home from the hospital. I kept thinking, I know nothing about raising a child, why did they let me leave with this little tiny small person who depends on me for EVERYTHING. I think the combination of lack of sleep, pain medicine, and shock of having this baby was what kept me from losing my shit. I think back about it today and I can pretty much assure you I won't be doing it again. I loved each moment, but once was enough for me.