My present to you...

Happy Birthday my Dear Best Friend. I am terrible at birthday's we are lucky that I even remember Syd's and Scott's! This might seem cheesy and a little queasy, but it is from the heart and created with much love.

May not make much sense to anyone else, but it is not for them just you. So enjoy Kim, this is just for you:

Who Knew?

Who knew when we first met
That we didn’t just share the same kind of pet
That once you scratched the surface
You found a friendship with a purpose
A person in your corner
For all the years over

No matter how far the miles stretch
The friendship would withhold the test
No day would go by
When a thought of you
Could not pass by
A bond formed from friendship
One that has become like a kinship

For you are my Best Friend
And I am so glad you can take my hand
As we travel through life and its toils
We will never foil
Because we have each other
A friendship like no other

Who knew when we first met
That what we would share would be more than just the same kind of pet

Love-Tawny

Ever feel like this?

I T-R-Y really, really hard to see the good, but maybe that is not seen in the blogworld, because quite frankly a blog to me is a diary of thoughts and feelings and observations. Quite possibly my entries might seem like I am a constant complainer. In my "real" life I think it is safe to say I try an see the good in all "things" around me. I will call attention to utter stupidity when I see it though, I mean, you have to, it is begging you to. The past I guess it is two weeks now have been really, really hard on me at work. Mentally it is blowing my mind. It is a temporary patch that will pass I know, but making it day-by-day has been hard. Many many times I just want to shut my door and put my head down and cry. I know this is no "solution" and maybe it makes me a "girl" but fuck it, it is the way I deal with stress. Today I was offered a really wonderful chance to do something that goes along with my passion of cooking. An opportunity to experience another realm in the cooking world. I jumped at the chance and got my application in right after I read the e-mail. Thinking, this is just what I need right now, it will offer me a bit of solace in an area where I can indulge my passion. Soon after I was up in the bosses office and I mentioned to him that next week I will be gone for three afternoons next week. I told him what I would be doing, and his reply was "Three afternoons are a bit much." If you "know" me, you know that me taking time away from work is pretty much a real struggle for me. Even on my vacations I still work. I have to have contact with my job because it is what is required in my job. When I was on leave after having Syd, I still worked from home and came in every Friday during my leave. Yes, every Friday with the baby, who was 2 weeks old the first time I came in. Yes, that was me. SO, I was pretty fucking pissed today. So, I changed my application for ONE day. I have 4 weeks of vacation, if I did the three sessions that I picked it would take 1 1/2 days of my vacation. I had to carry over 10 days of my vacation from last year because I cannot use them up. When mentioning this in the past the answer from my boss has been "Not my fault you cannot find time to take off." REALLY! Uhh, yeah it is. I will post more about my "foodie adventure" after it is over. I will offer you this: I get to go eat some good food and offer my opinion on it, so well I think that is pretty damn cool.

So back to my do you ever feel like question. I came to this conclusion today, I feel like a bridge that is hanging over a waterfall. One of those shaky wooden bridges that people walk on and never know what the next step is going to have in store for them. I feel like the bridge and the people keep piling on. Then the bridge breaks and everyone on the bridge blames the bridge for not being strong enough to hold them. It makes me question my ability to cope and deal. Makes me wonder if I am strong enough for the job that I have and to do right by my family. Whenever I question my strength it raises all these questions in my mind of what am I doing wrong and what is wrong with me. When it really might not be me and be someone else. Maybe it is insecurity but I hate it.

Then, I consider what other people deal with day end and day out, and it makes me think I am this shitty whiney baby that cannot deal when things get a bit tough. I can think of so many people that have real problems, and make mine seem so trivial in nature. Do I have a point? Does not seem like I do. I guess I am just confused in how I am supposed to feel. If I mention to my boss that the stress is pretty high, he tells me, "your stressed, imagine how I feel." Well, he owns the company, I would IMAGINE he is pretty fucking stressed. So, I just have learned to say nothing at all, it is not a pissing contest, it sure makes it feel like it is. I cannot compete with a penis.

Diet Coke and Vanilla Vodka

Saturday night we decided to be the adults we are and celebrate with some friends of their recent nuptials. They were married in Vegas a few weeks ago and had a party here on Saturday. So that evening Scott and I headed out to Downtown Dallas. We packed a bag, somehow with this party we were offered a room at the Downtown magnolia Hotel for a really cheap rate. So, off to Downtown we go, the sun setting the heat still 100+ degrees and the fucking traffic. I cannot believe for 2 years I drove to Downtown for work. I am still gripping the "oh shit" bar from the ride. Seeing that we were kidless for the evening and able to walk back to our hotel, we let our hair down. So far down for me that all day yesterday I felt like shit. Why is it that once you get older it is harder and harder to recover from a night of drinking? Yep, a day after hitting the vanilla vodka, I was toast for the next day. Gee, I think my bounce back was a lot better when I was in my 20's....

Syd stayed the night at my parents house, which is good, they have left for a 2 week trip to California. They are driving...they are insane, but they have to bring back some furniture and stuff, but the drive from Texas to Cali does not sound like one I want to make any time soon. They plan on stopping along the way to see the sites but even that does not make me want to jump in the car and take off out West. Seeing how Syd changes so much from day-to-day, it will be interesting how much she will have learned between now and then. Yesterday while we were in Wal-Mart, yes, again, as we were shopping any time I would say thank-you to someone she would repeat it. Very cute, and she is getting to be very good on her manners. I am a firm believer in the yes ma'am's and yes sir's.

Now for my weekend observations:

While at the "party" I noticed one party goer that decided to wear her high school prom dress to the function. OK, sure, go for it, but the added quality of this one, it was too small to zip in the back, so you know the solution to this problem, Ladies, next time just put on a denim jacket. But make sure that the jacket comes right to the point in the back that you can see that the damn dress is NOT going to zip any further. It was a strange sight...

While at Wal-Mart, I noticed another person wearing a shirt that said "Best Dad", the off feature of this, it was worn by a woman.....

Do not take a toddler shopping into a store that has "fake" fruit and veggies, they DO NOT understand that the "fake" food is to decorate and the screaming for the grapes can just about drive you crazy. EAT!!! Grapes!!! EAT!!!

On the way to get our nails done this weekend, Sydney decided to entertain my Mom and I by staying "Poo-Poo Kitty" I have not a fucking clue where this came from or who taught it to her. But it was some funny shit.

I think any hotel that serves cookies and milk for its guests from 9 PM to 11 PM is pretty damn cool. Too bad I opted for more free Diet Coke and Vanilla Vodka, I was looking forward to cookies and milk.

Well, I had a ton more, but because of daily obligations and other thoughts that are clogging my brain, I have forgotten them all. Lucky you, lucky you!

My Next Invention

And my next invention will be allowing me to blog from thoughts that occur in my head, it would make finding time to blog so much easier for me. Yes, bloggin at work, a major No-No (shaking finger as I say it like Syd does) for me. But hell, rules made for myself are made to be broken by myself. In all honesty blogging for me was used as an outlet to burn free time at work. See, that is where I went wrong...Plus it was easier for me to blog in the old house because it did not require me to carry my lazy ass up stairs to get to the damn computer. If it was not for having to lock the doggins (love you Honey) up everyday before work, I would NEVER go up stairs.

During the week, I think of many many things that I would love to blog about. Andrea Yates comes to mind. My best friend Kim posted about this disaster in history the.whole.damn.thing that is. The day that the new "verdict" came down, we were on vacation. I was trying and trying does not even begin to express the effort involved here, to put Syd down for a nap when the verdict was announced. For some strange reason, I felt the need to be with my child. I just felt that I had to be with her and look at her and maybe I don't know protect her from this cruel reality. I cannot explain it obviously but the need to be near her was so great. I am listening to the commentary before the verdict was announced and many new details were given, and they made me feel sick. I truly wanted to throw up. Not only did I feel sick, I felt rage against this monster that did this thing to her children. I know that their would be no way in hell I would have been on this jury because the details that were given, I would have gotten up out of the jury box and gone over and beat the woman to death myself, and felt good about it while doing it. Does this make me any better than her? Probably not, but my feelings on the subject is that she does not deserve to live. WTF are we going to do, rehabilitate this "woman" so she can live in society and be...Productive? Is she the only person to blame here? I have to say..NO. Her wimp ass of a husband should be on the table next to her strapped down getting ready for the injection too. Just a few things I do not understand about HIM, being, the Dr.'s told HIM and HER that her getting pregnant again was not a wise idea due to her mental problems in the past. And if they are such a spiritual family as they "Played it" to the public then why did her divorce her? And what religion tells you to move your family into a bus to live? The Partridge Family Religion? I don't think Mr. Yates hands are bloodless in the murder of his children. Maybe my thoughts and feelings are slanted by the publicity of this tragedy, but the whole thing rots with the stench of wrong by all parties involved. The "verdict" was a joke and the punch line were these children that paid with their life.

NEXT!

My child, the little sprout that she is has been incredible. I have to say, I never knew how much children pick up from their parents until you have one. Plus, she is fucking smart as hell. I know, she is my child, but the things that she knows and can do each day I ask Scott, "did you see that?" "Did you hear what she said?!" It amazes me. I hope that she does not pick up on everything she sees and hears from us, we have heard a few "shits" and "damns" come out of the back seat, and at the kitchen table. We just ignore them and walk away kicking ourselves in the ass for what terrible parents we are for saying such dirty words around her...fuck, it's nature.

We are trying to learn to use the potty. She will be playing or looking at her books and you can just tell by her posture and the purple/red face helps that she is crapping her pants. I ask if she wants to use her potty, and the answer I get is No! Scott for some unknown reason can get her to use her potty. Don't know exactly why she will go willingly if Daddy asks, but hey whatever works.

NEXT!

Utility companies suck. Last month, we were gone for a week, turned up the A/C to 80 degrees, this happened to be the week that Dallas had a break in the heat wave of 2006. My parents were e-mailing me that the weather was actually...Livable. Therefore due to the change in the A/C setting and the cooler temps, wouldn't you think the monthly bill will be LOWER than the month before? Got the bill today, it is EXACTLY the SAME. The payment amount is EXACTLY the same. Further looking into the bill they have estimated our usage for the past two months. Now how can you estimate the usage and bill for that legally? I am sure their is some damn law that states this is OK because we live in a world where someone cannot get paid to do the job of meter reading. Scott and I were discussing this earlier and I am sure that they will offer the option of having someone come out and READ THE ACTUAL METER, but that we will have to pay an extra $ 5.00 a month for this service....Yeah. I can totally see this being true. We only provide the electricity we don't provide reading of the meter for what you USE of the electricity.

To some extent this reminds me of one of the Ladies in my office. She is older and needs a mamogram, her insurance will pay for the mamogram but will NOT pay for the READING of the mamogram...WTF! To me that is like going to the grocery store to get eggs and they give you a live chicken instead of the eggs. Does not make sense to me.

Yeah, I get on a roll and can't stop.

Here is another instance of stupidty.

Two weeks ago, I e-mailed a question to our financial firm to ask how much we are charged for a bounced check that we have deposited into our account. Needing the information to bill the customer for the bounced check fee. I waited a whole day and mind you I e-mailed this question to three people. The next day 24 hours later, I asked to the same three people if anyone had gotten an answer to my question because I wanted to bill for the charges. My e-mail answer from one of the people was, "Yeah, we have it, sorry." Yes. really.that.is.what.it. says, I still have the e-mail to prove it too. OK, call me petty but I am pretty pissed at this point but decide to wait because maybe this stupid fucking answer will be followed with an answer I can USE. I wait, two day, for an answer. NOTHING. So, I e-mail again, asking "Can I get the answer to this question?" so I can BILL THE CUSTOMER. The response was "Oh sorry,
$ 32.00." Finally, an answer I can use. Maybe I expect too much out of people.

And after a day like this, I am expected to go home and relax. My poor family, when I speak gibberish possibly they will be able to understand why.

We're the Doodlebops

They are slowly taking over our house...

My thoughts, if Daddy has Marilyn Manson, Sydney can have The Doodlebops!

We're the Doodlebops!!!

Aggie Commercial

I dedicate this one to my dear, dear husband.

I love you baby!

There baaaccckkkkkkk.........

And a fun time had by all. Our summer vacation of 2006 to FL is completed for this year. It was nice. Syd decided this year instead of sleeping like she did last year she would go back and forth in my and daddy's lap for the whole 2 1/2 hour flight. On the way home she slept for the last 45 min of the 3 hour flight home. Scott and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary while we were on vacation. We went out a few nights afterwards and left Syd with her Great-Grand Parents and her Grandma. They got some good bonding time in.

I think the best part of the whole trip for me was that my Sister-in-law has finally found someone that I approve of. She has finally found someone who treats her the way we have told her for years she deserves the way to be treated. She is probably the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life, but her choice in men has quite frankly sucked ass. She is seeing a new man and he came down to meet the fam while we were on vacation. He got to meet the whole damn gang of us, and my quote was if you don't want him send him to Texas because we need another nice guy here. Syd loved him and I admire him and the job he does, he is a deputy sheriff and works the K-9 unit. Listening to him about his work and the passion he has for the work he does makes me glad to have him doing the work he does. Wow!! I just hope and PRAY this one sticks and that this one goes for the long haul.

The new employee I hired before I left has worked out smashingly! I can actually say the employees I have now in my office I really LIKE! We finally have a team of people that have the same work ethic and goals set in place.

I did have to fire someone today though. It never gets easier even when I am not their direct boss. I just hate it, where is that class in my management core of "How to Fire Someone 101" That is something I could really use from time to time....

I did read one full book while on vacation, that was my goal. Mind you at times I was crouched up against a nightl ight trying so hard to make out the words because I was afraid to turn on the light and wake "Sydney the impossible to get to sleep while on vacation monster."

I am in the process of listening to "A Million Little Pieces" after being 100 on the waiting list I was finally on the top and I have to say even if the book is all bunk and not a "true account", it is some amazing writing. I am listening to this story about a man having dental work done on his teeth, two root canals and two teeth filed filled and capped WITHOUT ANY PAIN MEDICATION AT ALL. None, nada, zilch. See the patient is in a drug treatment facility and they cannot give the patient any sort of medication at all. The writing of this account is incredible and even if it is fiction it is some damn good writing.

OK bathtime for Sydney, gotta run!!