Almost no house to sell

Yesterday was a very strange day. Scary to some point, we had massive grass fires all over the metroplex, one just two small miles away from our house. I sat at my computer watching this fire rage across land that is so very close to my home. Thinking, if Scott has to grab Syd and the dogs and leave, what do we "have" to have? I came up with nothing, just as long as he would be able to get her and the dogs and leave we would be fine, it all could be replaced, every stinking bit of it, it is just stuff. Then I thought, oh yeah just our luck, no house to sell after all that damn work! THANKFULLY the fire stayed away from our home, today when I took Syd to school you could still smell the smoke in the air. Getting home last night was a chore too, news crews, TXDOT cones everywhere, lane closures, detours, rubberneckers. It was chaos.

On a lighter note, Daddy has already blogged about this one, but yesterday since it was 80 degrees Syd was dressed in a new dress she got for Christmas, the difference between this one and ones in the past, this one had no bloomers or onesie that snapped in the crotch, NO DIAPER COVERAGE. I thought, (yes I know that is where I went wrong) wonder if she knows she can take her diaper off. When I dropped her off yesterday I mentioned this to her teacher, that Syd will be showing her diaper off to everyone today, no bloomers. Daddy arrived to pick her up and seems that little miss discovered that she could take her diaper off and did so to pee on the floor. Why this is a good option, I don't know but plan to ask her when she is old enough to talk in a language I can understand. While the teachers were tending to this another little girl in her class pooped and proceeded to play with the poop. Mind you I pay close to $ 1,000.00 a month for child care, this is an excellent private school, and even the good schools have poop playtime. Seems it was a fun time had by all for those in diapers yesterday. I am not even going to think what I am so wanting to think because then she will do it and I will be cleaning up what I am not going to think about because she is in my brain and she will do it. I am not thinking it. REALLY!

I so hate the week after Christmas at work. This is the slowest week in the construction industry known to man. I sit and wait and wait for the damn clock to turn so I can be one minute closer to going home. Tomorrow will be my last day here at work for 2005. I am taking Friday off and having a play day all to myself. I am getting a massage, a friend of mine's girlfriend is doing her internship and I must partake in the 60 min. massage for $ 25.00. I might have lunch out with a friend later that day and I just plan on doing what ever the hell I want. Now if only the next 3 hours would fly by so I could go home.....

Holiday Tidbits

Very typical after the merriment has passed to reflect and be thankful for what we have.

Thankfull For: I am so thankful for a happy, healthy little girl, who in the past week has changed so much. The 4 steps we took last Friday have now become full long treks across the room, we have abandoned crawling, we would much rather walk and fall and try again over and over. She is such a trooper. She is signing left and right, we are signing "eat" whenever I ask her if she wants to eat, or anyone else asks her. We are signing "more" and I am sure more things that I do not know the signs for yet. I have the video and I have to watch it soon! Christmas was confusing for her I know, who could blame her, see previous post for more details.

Best Holiday Story: My Cousin asked for "rippers" for Christmas. Mind you he is 5 and he has one of the most active imaginations I have ever encountered. He has been making "rippers" all over his house which consist of duct tape and toilet paper. He tapes the toilet paper to the door jam and has "rippers" all over the house. Yes, each door jam is like a finish line at a race,those are "ripper." My Aunt has spent the past few weeks trying to convince him that painter tape is better than duct tape because duct tape takes off the paint on the door jam. This is the only thing he has asked for, so he is getting a box full of toilet paper and tape to make "rippers." I wish I found that much joy in the small things in life again.

Fastest Way to Piss Me Off: Bitch that your name did not get drawn for one of the Christmas door prizes at work and then when you see the amount of the gift certificate that you bitched about NOT winning, bitch about how small the amount is. I will jump in your shit again if you do it again. Makes me wonder "WHY we were giving anything?" I never wanted to slap someone so fast in all my life.

Best Gift Received: Time. I got time this weekend, time to spend with my family, my husband and my daughter. I got time to sleep, late even. I got time to spend with my husband and play a game. Mind you he really gets points for playing "Sex in the City" with me on Christmas night. Syd was down for the night and Mommy popped to cork on a bottle of Spumanti that had been in the fridge for over a year. We grabbed the game and played, it was fun. Silly at times, but fun to have the time to dedicate together. That was the best gift out of everything I got, and I got some pretty fab things this year.

2005 will go down as a success. One that was spent trying to not make a huge mess in the house since it was on the market to sell. One where it came too fast and was unseasonably warm. The one where we envisioned the whole Norman Rockwell holiday scene and got a smattering of screaming baby, rushed parents, and many words spoken out loud of "it is not supposed to happen this way!"

Better get on the stick the holidays are only 363 days away and I am going to need each and every one of them.

Merry Christmas, and the things they don't tell you before you have kids

First and foremost, Merry Christmas to you all.

Second, here is what I have observed now that I have experienced the first few hours of my first Christmas as a Mom. They do not tell you when you approach the first Christmas that once Thanksgiving hits, you blink and Christmas is here. I have NEVER, I mean Never in my 35 years of existence been so unprepared for the holidays as I have been for this year. Last night I was wrapping EVERYTHING I had bought for the holidays because I have not had any time to do so before then. I am wrapping and taping and trying to get it all done. I finish and look at the pile I have for my parents...I swear tumble weed blew through. It was the smallest pile I have ever had for my parents and I just felt like such a heel. I had intentions of getting gift cards to so many places and as I stated before, I blinked and it was Christmas night and nothing had been gotten. Wow. My Mom keeps telling me don't worry they don't need anything, and it is so very true. They are going to start building a new house after ours is completed and we all are on the save for the house track in life. But, wow I have to say I really did not think their pile to be so scares. I feel so ashamed. I know the holidays are not about the gifts, especially after everything we have been through this year, but I also see this time of year as giving back to my parents for all that they have done for me in life. I could buy them the moon and not even scratch the surface. For that I am eternally thankful.

Third, you envision this idea of your child's first Christmas. I remember last year being so big and pregnant and thinking it will be so fun next year because the baby will almost be 1 and really be able to enjoy the holiday. Scratch that. Syd slept extra late this morning, almost until 9. We were to be at my parents at 10. RIGHT. We got up and got ready took the photos, got the video camera knowing we have to have this first Christmas on film. We turned it on and we had Satan's spawn arrive for Christmas. She was out of control. Everything we did, she screamed and yelled about. I swear Santa came last night and took my sweet baby and left this little monster instead. I just knew, "Oh she slept extra late today, she will be in a great mood." The kid can read my mind. I gotta get her booked on Oprah. I have to admit for the past few days we finally put out the gifts on Friday, knowing that we could deal with two days of no-no don't touch. And how confusing is it for us to all of a sudden say, here rip this open like a good girl. I know mixed messages probably have her very confused. Next year I am buying her paper and tape. That was all she wanted to play with. We could get her to rip open about two of her gifts, Mommy did the rest. She crawled around trying to put paper and tape in her mouth over and over. It was so much fun, the screaming, the kicking and the crying. WOW, so glad we have it on tape to laugh about later in life.

It is now 11:30 am and we still have not made it to my parents, one mile away. We put down Santa's hell baby for a nap. Hoping that he will sneak in and bring our sweet one back to take to Gran-Gran and Pop-Pop's. If not it is going to be a long, long day.

What I have learned:

Whatever you imagine or envision, scratch and go for the exact opposite. That is what you will get. Kids they can bring you back to reality in a heartbeat.

Merry Christmas!!! I need a drink.

Santa and Sweetie Claus

These are my parents. Tell me my Daughter is not going to have EVERYTHING in the world. My Dad thought that he needed to have a Santa suit since he now is a Grandpa. Actually, my Mom had to rent one again, they do it a lot, for her work and she figured instead of renting it would be a better financial bet to just buy one. Her boss said fine, but my Dad said no, he feels he needs it. That way, her work can use it for free, and he has it for that one time of year. My Mom dressed up as Sweetie Claus, yes I know you have no idea who that is, she made it up, she said she was Santa's Sister. She is creative like that, and she was Sweetie for work. I, for my work, I was Bitchy Claus, just because that is what I am best at.

HA! HA! HA!

Everybody does it but it still is funny as HELL!!

Last night I ran some Christmas errands. Oh yes, one side note, I have decided I am wishing EVERYONE a Merry Christmas, just on principal this year. So, if I run into you and we have a conversation, be ready for the wishing from me. Anyway, back on track here, I was running Christmas errands getting a few more gifts here and there, I happened to wander into Hallmark, because I care enough to send the VERY best, and I am reading the Christmas cards, laughing my ass off at the Shoebox Greetings. I am laughing like crazy over the picked over ones, I can only imagine how funny the ones I did not get to see were!! I wander over to the other side of the store where there is not much traffic. See some pretty neat photo frames, I am about 15 feet away from another woman to my left. All of a sudden, she farts, yes farts, LOUD farts, a man fart, loud and long about 5 -8 seconds long. It was the fart that keeps on going and going and going. To say that I am shocked is the understatement of the freaking year.

It had every ounce of strength I had to keep my self together because I wanted to scream laughing out loud. The woman was VERY shocked of the power of her fart, I am sure she thought it would have been quite and low on the Richter scale in reverberation. Afterwards, she says "OH excuse me!" In a level tone that only I can hear. I act like I hear nothing, no fart, no excuse me, nothing, I am deaf. I saunter over to pay for my purchases, dying to get out of the store to call my husband. I get in the car, call him and tell him "Oh, I so wish you were here with me!" Laughing and laughing and laughing as I talk to him. He asked what was going on, starting to laugh himself because I have lost it I am DYING, it was so freaking funny. I tell him my story, he keeps saying "OH MY!" I laugh and laugh and laugh. Then I make some jokes giggle more and he asked how old she was. I told him, she was probably in her 40's you know, not to the point where holding in your farts is a thing you cannot or care not to do anymore. Not elderly, the elderly have license to fart, ANYWHERE and loud. I have no idea where this is written, maybe it is in AARP and it tells you upon hitting age 70 and above let em' rip whenever and wherever you are. GOD it was funny!

I still sit here and laugh my ass off as I re-count it. Plus, after I told Scott, I had to call my friend Stephanine. I told her, GOD I wish you were with me to live this moment with me. I did feel bad for the woman, I don't know how she had the ability to stay there, I would have bolted faster than the speed of freaking light.

Oh, goodness, that was funny. Yesterday before my trip to Hallfart I did go see the Dr. about the meds and the weight gain I have been fighting tooth and nail for over a month. I do not own a scale but my jeans tell me that something has got to give and it is going to be the button on the jeans if this keeps up. Well, I am so unhappy to announce that since I started this new drug I have gained 13, yes 1-3 freaking pounds. So, we are trying to reduce the dose and if this does not work we will take me off it totally and try to up some of the other meds I am on to see if that will work. I am upping the dose on the other med I am on trying to see if it will offset the weight gain and the freaking hunger that has been beating me down for the past few weeks. Does not matter what I eat, protein, sugar, starch, soon after my body is freaking out I am shaking needing food because my blood sugar is freaked out. It is the meds 100% and hopefully things will be back in a month or so. I HATE this, but it will get better.

The house is on the market, as of end of business today. They came to do the virtual tour today, and the sign will be in the yard when I get home. The flyer that they made is done, they sent it to me via e-mail yesterday. My Dad, JUST sent me an e-mail about the house brochure and told me it looks great and that he loves me more than pancakes...so sweet, silly but sweet.

Things should tie up here at work nicely for the holidays. We are working all week, Friday we have our BBQ lunch for our employees. It is a blow off day because most of our customers will shut down around noon. Next week will be a joke, so many people off of work and since you have the next holiday a few days down the road no need in starting on any new construction projects. WOW, 2006, seems like just yesterday I was bitching and moaning about being pregnant and huge and waddling like a duck going to water. Ahh, what a great holiday we will have watching Miss Sydney Renee' open gifts and play with boxes.

And We're OFF!!

Friday I came home from work and heard those magical words. She WALKED! Yes, Sydney took more than the one step fall down that she had been doing for the past few days and took 4 steps total in one fell swoop. Scott was beaming and happened to catch the next pass with the video camera. I stood in the living room after I got home from work watching the replay laughing and found myself crying at the same time. It was one of those parental moments that everyone talked about and I got to have one. I wish I could have seen it first myself but replay is just as good. I think that at her daycare if they do something like this first there, they don't tell the parents just so it does not crush us to pieces and make us feel like the pieces of shit we feel like because we live in reality and cannot live on only one income. OH, sorry, pardon me I seemed to fall into my speech of why I cannot stay at home and feed my family and have a house over my head on one income. Unless I was married to a Dr. or lawyer, but, I married for love not money.

Sydney also did another amazing thing today. Almost impressed me more than the walking, maybe just a bit more than the walking truthfully. They teach her sign language at her daycare and today I asked her if she wanted to eat, she looked at me and signed eat. I just about shit my pants. Then I asked her again and signed it myself and she did it again. I was so damn amazed and proud I wanted to rent a billboard on the busiest street in Dallas. They told me that all of a sudden it will click for them and they will start signing. I figured "yeah right." But I'll be damn, that little bugger did it.

Now if she would stop blowing snot bubbles because of the constant flow of snot I would be one content woman.

Cease fire

When you have a disagreement with your spouse and you both blog..it is kind of like having a marital spat right in the middle of the mall. Does not make you feel very comfortable after you look around and see your audience. I am a hot head, I tend to strike first think later. This has been a constant flaw, gaping huge flaw in my makeup. Many, many times the words are flying out of my mouth and inside I am saying...wow that was harsh, your gonna pay for that one. Quite frankly yesterday in my session with Wanda, I told her, I would not want to live with me. I am a very hard person to be around, I tend to think everyone should follow my rules and ways of doing things. I know, I am going to have hell on my hands when Sydney gets older, I am already fighting that battle a bit as she grows into her own person. But, I am a very hard person to live with, I know it, you would think this would hit home and make me ease up on my loved ones. Ha! Wrong, they tend to get the brunt of everything. So not fair to them and so not nice of me.

Self reflection sucks. So, anyway, I apologize for the "show" that transpired on the blogs yesterday. It eventually found its way into e-mail, which is a great way to argue with your spouse especially when you are a yeller like me, it makes it easier for the other party involved, they don't have to keep telling you to stop yelling. Even if you type in caps it is so much more civil than me YELLING, and I am LOUD.

Things are good, and right again. I need to work on my interpersonal skills and realized that many times people need praise, especially the ones that you live with. Such a shitty management thing to not do. I know I have to do it at work, and at times it just kills me!!! I figure you got your damn check, take that as praise, but I do it because it helps morale, and I should do it at home too. What Scott has done to our house in the past few weeks has been short of a miracle and he should be given lots and lots of praise, especially by me.

Now for some random items:

Why can't the hot pepper suppliers take the cap portion of the peppers and THROW THEM THE FUCK AWAY, instead of bottling them? My Subway sandwich has been littered with these damn hot pepper cap pieces that are like eating a soggy stick. It pisses me off so damn bad I want to throw my tuna sandwich across the room.

What is up with getting cracked lips in the corners of your mouth? For weeks the two corners of my mouth have been cracked, I don't even remember them getting this way. All I know is that no amount of chap stick is making them heal and hot pepper juice from my Subway sandwich burns like hell on them. That makes me want to throw my tuna sandwich across the room too.

How can a toy company that makes the majority of their money each year not have a Christmas Party, instead they have a Holiday Party. Pardon me, but if it was not for Fucking Christmas the damn company probably would not exist!!! This is an oxymoron to me.

Well, that pretty much is all that I have for right now. Major Christmas shopping to be done this weekend. Hopefully, it will be painless and stressless, but I bet not.

Strange behavior

Yesterday I started a post. At the time that I was writing I was in severe pain. For some reason my body had built up a ton of gas pressure and I was in such pain. I was trying anything to get the pain to dissipate. (Right now my husband is freaking out that I am talking about this, the man cannot deal with bodily functions...only his own) I wanted to lay down knowing if I did it would offer relief. So, I trudge upstairs to the back empty office at my work and lay on the floor. Twice. I had the pain on and off all afternoon and when I got home from work it was again piercing my stomach with its sharp blade of pain. I have no idea what made this occur, I ate 6 gas-x tablets and my diet was no different than any other day. Freakish, what was really strange for me was telling my one employee, "If you need me I will be on the floor in the back office upstairs." I just kept walking like it was the most normal thing I had said all day. She just looked at me and said "oh, OK thanks."

Tonight yes, tonight the realtor comes over. I am assuming tonight we will have the signage in our yard to proclaim "FOR SALE." Fuck, now I have to live like a guest in my own house. Two days, yes two days in a row I have made the bed. I follow the belief this is a meaningless task, you are going to mess it up later anyway. But, I was bred in a home where you make the bed, no questions asked. I know it drives my Mother crazy that I will only make my bed in the very rarest of occasions. I guess I could take a photo of the bed made and give that to her as one of her Christmas gifts. Seeing that I have yet to buy ANYTHING for them and my Mother-in-Law and the other relatives on the Husband's side of the family. Can we go back to December 1, and start all over please. I need to be a bit more organized.

Work is stressful, my Boss is known for his lack of holiday cheer. I swear each year in the 12 years I have worked for him, I have yet to have a Christmas where he was not a grumpy grump. I swear he does it to prevent from having to give out Christmas gifts. We used to get killer gifts, like gift certificates in outrageous amounts like $ 500.00. Those are the years gone by. This year we are having a company BBQ lunch, last year we fried turkeys and each one of us in the office brought a side dish for all the employees. I made pans and pans of green bean casserole, to feed 100. I never wanted to see green bean casserole again, and I was 8 almost 9 months pregnant at the time. So, my boss runs around being a grumpy ass, put me in a bad mood because I am looking at the financials and the numbers are just not where they need to be. Mind you he a few months ago said "I am going to let you run this and I will just ask when I need to know." Meaning I don't want to know if we are getting low, I just want to spend and let you worry about how to cover it all. I have been in a constant state of "we don't have funds for that" for MONTHS and yet they still spend it. Gee, so much fun and so much stress.

I also have to do something for my Wanda visit tomorrow. I have been putting it off and I cannot do it any longer. I have to write a letter to Bonnie and read it to her tomorrow. Where to begin and what to say, getting it organized into words is going to be hard. I know I will be better off when I am done, but it still is going to be hard. I cannot believe how the months have flown by since she has passed. I still can hear her voice in my head, her thick southern drawl. I hope I never lose that.

The Muppets

I just love The Muppets and their Christmas songs. The Twelve Days of Christmas and Miss Piggy singing in such a high tone "Five Gold Wringgggssssss...." She just makes me laugh. I will walk around for hours singing wringggggs. Then they do "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." They say figgy pudding and Piggy says "Piggy Pudding?" In only a way she can say it, they say no made with figs, then you hear a quite and with bacon...haha!!! Then you have Animal in the back saying "Won't Go!" It just is too funny to me. I know your sitting thinking, what the hell is she talking about? But you should really listen to them if you can. They will make you smile.

I have yet to get our Christmas cards done, we still have to do the photo I am just about to throw in the towel and say, no cards this year. Thinking about me, Scott and Syd all getting ready for a photo in front of our tree and timing a photo for all of us to look good in...talk about a Christmas Miracle. That is why people send out photos of their family each year, it was a miracle that they made that moment in time happen. You laugh, but I bet it is true.

In a matter of a few hours, Scott and I meet with the new home builder for our pre-construction meeting. We give them $ 900.00 and change for our non-financeable options, so, this provides me to give my husband an insulated garage for Christmas, and I get an upgraded front door with cut glass inlaid. I was hit with a sudden spark of panic on Friday, I called Scott and said, "Hey, since we really both don't need anything and we have to pay this money, why don't we just limit our spending to $ 20.00 for each other. " He laughs, he has already started his shopping for me...your correct in your thinking, I had yet to buy him anything. So, scratch that idea but we did decide to keep the spending to a minimum.

I have purchased all the ingredients for his Grandmothers Nanaimo Bars, this overly rich, gooey, sweet concoction that Scott will eat a whole 9 X 9 of himself. They are so good but I will stay away. I did have a Hello Dolly with chocolate and butterscotch chips this weekend, so I got the ingredients to make those too. At least this is my intention, we will see how far I get with this. I still have gifts for my parents and Scott's family to buy, and ship. I know everyone else is fighting the same battle. Each year same thing, you would think we would learn.

Ice and snow and all that jazz

We had an ice storm on Wednesday. I hate, HATE cold weather. One of the many reasons I live in Texas is because we traditionally do not have frozen shit falling from the sky. If I lived up North I would not bitch about the weather, and the frozen shit because that is just part of living there. But I live here because it is not something that we get. If we do get anything, we get ice. I was born in the South, I do not know, nor do I care to learn how to drive in the snow. I lived in Missouri for 4 years and each winter gave me more frozen crap than I could ever wish for. Therefore, move South to retreat from the frozen precipitation. It just so happens that this week I have been having an audit at work, the auditor is from Maryland. I HATE just HATE people from the North that tell you when you live in the South how what you are experiencing is nothing. Everyone one in my office had been told to go home, it was getting nasty out and to get home safe before it got any worse. This being said, you would think he would get the hint.

Nothing. Therefore, I start shutting down my stuff, rattling keys. My Boss comes in and tells me he is leaving, that leave as soon as I get the other stuff wrapped up. Then he asks "How much longer is this guy gonna be here?" I respond with I have no clue, but I want to go home so he needs to get it in gear. Still nothing, he keeps coming to me with questions. Can I see your 941 return for the first quarter of 2005. What is the G/L code for sales tax encompass, why is this the figure in here, do you collect all of this? When is it paid, can I see the returns? FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. So, I dig, and copy and answer. Still...nothing.

Finally I have had it. I go out and ask, "So how much longer do you think you're going to be?" He asks, "Oh are you wanting to go home?" "Uh, yeah!, the weather is only getting worse and I live about 25 miles away from here." Then he starts to argue with me. He tells me "Oh it doesn't look that bad to me!" Mind you my WHOLE car is one damn sheet of ice...yes really it was. So we go back and forth. I tell him, you can stay, I can have one of the other men in the office let you out and take you to the airport, (mind you the one flight had already canceled) or a hotel. Then he asks, "What if it is 65 degrees tomorrow, will you be in then?" Don't be a stupid fuck, it is is 65 degrees yes I will, but have you listened to the news? It is NOT going to be 65 degrees. I left after 4 pm, and got home about 15 after 5 pm. Not too bad considering. I only hit one icy patch, and yesterday it was ice covered neighborhoods and icy bridges and overpasses. The main highways were ok, and as the day went on they dried off. Today you have a few patches here and there.

Schools were closed yesterday in my neighborhood, so, even if I wanted to come to work, Sydney's daycare was closed so I had no choice. I had a fun filled day with no don't touch the mini-blinds and no-no don't touch the Christmas tree. Then changing the diaper..when did this become such a struggle. Why does she act like I am pulling her fingers off one by one? Why must she SCREAM like that? I AM NOT HURTING YOU...yet!!!

So, today we are back, back to work. No auditor in site. I so hope he is back up North, getting a big ol' spoon full of this cold weather, a big ol' hunk of frozen stuff. Because, it doesn't look that bad to me.

Bastard.

Especially Made for You

The funniest thing happened last night. I was giving Sydney a bath last night and she was having a great time. She also has been tooting in the tub, it is so damn funny. Last night, she tooted and then bent over, I had a though, What if she poops? The kid reads minds, she sits up and poop comes floating out from behind her. She sees this and tries to grab this fun new toy, I scoop her up as fast as I can and tell her no-no through laughing and yelling for her Daddy. He comes around and look at him and tell him,"She made something for you." He told me "No way in hell." So I passed off poopy butt to her Daddy and then cleaned the tub. Tons of disinfectant and hot scalding water. Of course I had to call my Mom and tell her and my Dad that they just left too early that evening that the true entertainment they missed.

I did babysit a little girl that was about 2 1/2 when I was a teenager and she pooped in the tub too. I remember this shocking the shit out of me, (not literally) and told her little brother to go next door and get my Mom. By the time my Mom got there I had figured out what to do, but it caught me off guard.

God, that was so funny. You know when she is 17 before she goes out on a date, when she is showering and getting ready I can ask for her to make sure she does not poop in the tub like she did when she was little. Or tell her date not to let her take a bath she tends to poop in her bath water. Mind you these are like comments my Father would say to me when I was in high school. He looked at my Mom one night before one of my dates and told her "Lets snort when we laugh and tell Tawny's date it is hereditary." Of course I wanted to DIE.

One Christmas party down, one more to go. Minimal amount of shopping has been done. Not in the mood nor have really any ideas what to get ANYONE this year. Fighting the crowds, wrapping the gifts, mailing them out...all just too overwhelming this year. Wonder if Sydney is going to scream if we take her to see Santa. I know I was not overjoyed to see the ol' bearded man when I was little. Who can blame the kids though, the whole thought of an elf freaks me out, I have a thing about midgets. Sorry I just do, they freak me out. My Dad keeps saying that he wants to take some spray foam insulation stuff and spray it on the ground and paint it brown to look like a Mr. Hankey from South Park, to put it in my neighbors yard. He is not one to decorate, it is funny as hell but not very holiday-ish...but funny.

It always comes back to poo...

Quick Hit

Damn them little Hickory Farms Melt Away Mints.... and I was doing so well. How can something that melts away in your mouth so easily cause you to gain weight? Bastards

Tighter in the hips

I have a fear, one that I live with each day, one that I am sure many others live with as well. I am afraid of gaining weight. 4 years ago I had gastric bypass surgery and lost a huge amount of weight. I have since been able to maintain a healthy weight for myself and feel good about myself. Since all the events have transpired in September, food has not been my first priorty, and I lost more weight. It just seemed to dissapear without me even being aware. Anxiety would cause me to forget to eat, and if I did eat it would be very small portions because my stomach would get all in knots and I would not be able to get food down. Well, since my anxiety is under control and I am living life like everyone else, just going with the flow, my eating has returned. I do not eat very well during the day, I pretty much eat as I work and do not take time out to focus on a meal. But, other than that, the meds I am on make me hungry. I HATE IT. I have eaten a lot in the past few weeks. So much so, I know I have gained a few pounds and I am pretty upset about it. So today I decided I was going to be more aware of what I put into my body and focus on protein first, that is the golden rule for gastric bypass patients. Drink plenty of water to fill me up and to stay busy.

I also should take into consideration, last week I had that visitor that comes monthly. I had not had it the month previous because of stress I am sure and lack of food. My visitor like many others makes me VERY hungry. I will get the shakes from low blood sugar levels, something I just have to be aware of and make sure I am eating good food for myself.

I will make an effort to eat better food for myself. The past few days I have been better. I am eating more salads at lunch with protein in them, limiting the dressings, but making sure I do not starve myself. I still fit in my clothes, but my newly washed jeans seemed harder to button today and when I looked at myself in the mirror last night I could swear I just looked chunkier. I hope these meds are a short term thing. I really do not want to feel this out of control when it comes to food. It is always something isn't it?

I guess I better wrap this up, I am supposed to be working on gathering paperwork for an audit I have starting on Monday. I have a list of 0nly 17 items they are asking for, mind you each item is starting from May 31 to October 31, so each item 7 items each.... What a hassel but at least the damn copier is fixed. It broke last night at 5 pm when I was starting to really roll on this project...figures!